


A Soft Place to Land

by hollyharley



Category: Waitress - Bareilles/Nelson
Genre: Domestic Violence, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Healing, Ogie was kind of a stalker lol, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25277773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyharley/pseuds/hollyharley
Summary: Jenna finds a letter she'll never show Lulu.No one needs to know their father is a rapist, after all.-AKA Jenna dealing with her past.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	A Soft Place to Land

**Author's Note:**

> tw: (past) sexual, physical, and psychological violence; nightmares

**ACT ONE**

Lulu was finally in bed. Jenna fell onto the couch and sighed. She loved her daughter, but the six-year-old's energy took its toll as the week went by. Jenna listened to the chorus of crickets outside. Tomorrow was Sunday. The diner opened late in unison with the post-church rush, so Jenna had a few extra hours to sleep in.

All Jenna wanted to do right now was get a glass of wine and let the mix of alcohol and southern summer heat lull her to sleep. But she still had a few boxes to unpack.

It had been nearly a year since her and Lulu moved out of the apartment and into their house. But between running a business and Lulu beginning kindergarten, unpacking much beyond the necessary items had been neglected. Jenna sighed one more time and forced herself to get up.

Better to get to it. As Mama used to say, _Sitting around's as useful as tits on a bull, Baby!_

Jenna went to her bedroom. She walked to the far side of the room where the boxes were. The stacks of boxes loomed over her, but she refused to get discouraged. She just picked one from the top.

She opened it and smiled. She had forgotten about this! She gingerly pulled the small photo album out of the box and flipped through it. Photos of Mama holding a baby Jenna, Jenna helping Mama in the kitchen, a precious one of Mama when she was young. Jenna grinned and set the album on her bed. She would have to show Lulu tomorrow!

Jenna took out the rest of the contents in the box- some old dresses too small for her now- and stored them in the closet. She went back to the boxes. She plucked another one from the pile, now hoping for another treasure. It was heavier. Much heavier. She opened it. 

Old, dusty books. She sighed. She'd never been much of reader. She was a maker, a creator- not one to be confined by lines on a page. However, she wanted Lulu to be a reader. Readers can get smart. Smart gets to college. Maybe there was something worthwhile. She took a book out from the top. She had a distant memory of packing this box right after Lulu was born. She had been so busy, she didn't open it when moving into her apartment. When it was time to move to the house, she had found it in the closet, glanced inside, and chucked it into the pile.

She looked at the first book. A dictionary. She flipped through it. It could be useful. She made a save pile. She looked at the second book. _Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus._ A book about relationships. She rolled her eyes. Trash. Also going into the trash were the numerous relationship magazines. She looked at a third book. _To Kill a Mockingbird._ She'd read this in high school. Keep. She made her way through the box. Finally, only one more book. _A Guide for Expecting Mothers._ Trash. On a wim, Jenna flipped through it.

A folded piece of paper was in between the pages. She opened it and read the first line. _Dear Baby,_

Jenna sat down on the edge of her bed. She read:

> Dear Baby,
> 
> I thought I knew what love was. You know, your daddy wrote me a love song when we were young, and there’s a part of it that goes
> 
> _Till the end of time_  
>  _these are ties that bind._  
>  _Till the sun don't shine_  
>  _you will still be mine._
> 
> I thought that was love. I thought love was being his and only his. My daddy was a mean drunk, Baby. When I would run to Earl’s house after Daddy beat me, he’d hold me so tight and kiss me so hard... I was his and only his. He got me out of my daddy’s house. He saved me. He was mine, and I was his.
> 
> But the truth is, my daddy was a mean drunk and so is yours. He takes my money. He leaves bruises on me. And I thought that was all right, Baby. I still loved him, and that’s how he showed his love.
> 
> Sometimes when he gets me drunk, he’ll beg and beg and beg until I let him have what he wants. It doesn’t happen that often, thank the Lord. The last time it happened was a couple months ago. 
> 
> Your daddy bought me a skimpy red dress from the thrift store in the next town over. I wore it because he wanted me to. Drank all the beer he gave me. He said he loved me, loved having me, so I let him have what he wanted.
> 
> That was the night we made you, Baby, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t want you because of it. 
> 
> But I recently met a young doctor, and he makes me feel different. When we kiss, its different. I don’t whisper _No_ or stare at the ceiling, waiting for it to end. I don’t have to fake joy. I don’t know if this is love, but I know it’s closer than what your daddy’s been giving me. 
> 
> Love isn’t control, Baby. Love is freedom. Love is hope. Love is dreaming.
> 
> That’s why I’ve decided I’m gettin us out of here.
> 
> With Love,
> 
> Your Mama 

Jenna had difficulty reading the last paragraph. Her eyes burned. She stared at the letter as tears dripped onto it, blurring some of the words.

She remembered that night even though she didn’t want to. She remembered Earl insisting she wear that stupid red dress. Earl pressuring her to drink a bottle too many. Earl roughly pulling the dress up and pushing her onto the bed. Earl pressing her wrists into the mattress with his dirty hands. Earl ignoring her quiet slurred whisper- _No. Please, Hun... I don’t... don’t want to right now..._

The bed creaking over and over and over and over and over.

She still remembered what she told Becky and Dawn when they asked about it. _I do stupid things when I drink... Like sleep with my husband._

Then, she had considered what happened stupid. Now, she had another word for it.

Rape.

That thought unlocked the buried fear and sadness she had never let herself think about, and Jenna let out a choked sob. It had been seven years since it happened, over six since Earl had touched her in anyway. More memories came.

Earl’s fist hitting her. Earl’s palm slapping her. Earl’s hands touching her, holding her down. Earl’s face, tilted upward, smiling with his mouth slightly open. The cracks in the ceiling that Jenna stared at every time after. 

Jenna cried into her pillow so she wouldn’t wake Lulu. A few hours short of sunrise, exhaustion overcame her, and she finally fell asleep.

**ACT TWO**

The ringing from her phone woke Jenna soon after. Her alarm. It 6:30 AM. She had to be at the diner in half an hour. It opened in three hours.

Normally, her alarm would quickly prompt her to get dressed, grab a sleeping Lulu out of bed, and drive the mile to the diner. Becky and Dawn would arrive soon after. The rest of the staff would arrive at by 8:30 to get everything ready, and at 9:30 sharp, the doors would open. On her way in, Jenna would grab a cup of joe. She'd put Lulu in the back of the pantry- on a mini _bed_ in the pantry- because Jenna was still a little to afraid of leaving her at home alone (where Earl could reach her or she could burn herself or the million of other scenarios mothers fear their children will get in). After kissing Lulu's forehead, she'd go into the kitchen and take the dough out of the fridge.

Jenna's pies were famous in not only the town, but in the entire county. Even folks from other towns in different counties- and sometimes states!- would swing down to get a slice. Lulu's Pies had lots of different foods, but the pies were the most popular. That meant Jenna had to start early in the morning, or she'd never meet demand. She was lucky today was Sunday; normally, she had to be in the kitchen by 5 AM.

Yet she made no movement to get up. She reached for her phone and called Becky. 

"Jenna, need a ride?"

"No, I'm sick. I'm sorry, but I can't come today. All my recipes are in the book above the sink."

"I know most of 'em by heart. Don't worry about it. I'll come by and check on you-"

"No need, Becky," Jenna interrupted. "Thank you. Bye."

She hung up before Becky could answer her, turned down the volume on her phone, and went back to sleep.

-

Her door creaked open, and Jenna was jolted awake. It was _him_. He had come back from up north. He was here, despite being forbidden to see her and Lulu by the restraining order. He'd come back to hurt her. She was in danger. Jenna slowly shifted in to the bed. She eyed the knife she always kept on the nightstand. She grabbed it and swung onto the her feet, holding the blade out to Earl.

But it wasn't Earl. It was a little blonde girl in a nightgown. Lulu.

"Mama!"

Jenna set the knife down and let out a breathe. "I'm sorry, Baby. I thought you were a... burglar."

Her daughter frowned, then shrugged, then jumped onto her bed. "Why aren't we at my diner?" Lulu always called it her diner. She loved that it was named after her.

"I'm sick, Baby. Go play in the living room, all right?"

"But I'm hungry!"

Jenna sighed. She was so tired. She just wanted to be alone. "There's some cereal in the pantry. Your favorite. Please, Lulu, Mama's got to sleep now." 

Lulu left, and Jenna shut the door after her. Then she went back to sleep.

-

_She was curled on the ground like a baby. Her father was kicking her side, and it hurt. "Stop!" She yelled. "Please!" Her father pushed her on her back, pulled her pants down, her underwear down. She looked up at him in horror. It wasn't her father anymore; it was Earl, naked. Her legs were tied together. She tried to scream, but she couldn't. He pinned her wrists with his hands and-_

"Girl! What is wrong with you? Jenna heard a furious sort of knocking on her bedroom door. "I don't believe you locked this door!" It was Becky.

Another, lighter voice spoke. "Jenna? We came to check up on you. It's three in the afternoon, and Lulu said you've been in bed since this morning..." Dawn.

"Stop with the shit!" Becky knocked on the door even harder. "When you had the flu, you wouldn't stop calling to make sure we weren't screwin' up your pies somehow! Now you won't even answer my calls? Leavin' Lulu alone? If you don't open this damn door I will break it down!"

"Oh my Lord! What if she's dead?" Dawn's panicky voice yelled. Jenna felt a pang of guilt.

"I'm fine. Go away! Please!" 

Becky yelled some more, but Jenna said nothing else. She only thought about her nightmare. She thought about when both scenarios had really happened. She remembered what her father yelled at her the night she got into Earl's truck, her belongings slung over her shoulder. _Whore!_

Her friends tried to talk to her more, and after a good half hour, left. She heard Becky call her husband from the living room. She said her and Dawn were staying- to take care of Lulu and Jenna. Much to Jenna's chagrin, Cal didn't seem to protest watching the diner alone. Neither woman left.

The rest of the day passed. Jenna stared at the wall. There was clatter in the kitchen- presumably dinner being made. The television was on for a couple hours. Lulu, Becky, and Dawn spoke in hushed tones. Jenna wished she could sleep forever. She never wanted to leave this bed.

A soft knock on the door. "Mama?"

There was concern in Lulu's voice her mother never wanted to hear. Lulu was Jenna's heart on the outside of her body; Jenna would move heaven and earth for her daughter. The least she could do was answer.

Jenna answered. "Yeah, Baby?"

"Will you come kiss me goodnight?"

Lulu's wish was her command. She opened the door. Lulu wrapped herself around her. "Mama!"

Becky and Dawn were watching from down the hall.

Jenna tucked Lulu into bed and shut the bedroom door. She turned towards her friends.

"Thank y'all. I'm so sorry I left you..."

Becky gently grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dining table. They sat down. Jenna knew Becky knew violence. She'd confided in Jenna about how a group of teenage boys had jumped her when she was young, calling her slurs. She feared what would have happened if her father and uncle hadn't been there.

Dawn adjusted her glasses. "Please, Jenna, tell us what's wrong. We can help you." Dawn knew violence too. She'd been stalked and coerced into marriage. Ogie had wore her down with taunts, threats, and pressure. Dawn had enough after a year; they had divorced. She scared him off after buying a gun. But Jenna knew she was still scared he'd come back. 

They'd all dealt with male customers harassing them. Dawn and Becky had been there when she was pregnant. They were Lulu's godmothers; they had helped her with motherhood and with her business.

These were her friends. She could tell them what was wrong.

So she told them.

**ACT THREE**

In the morning, she would rise before the sun. She would go to the diner, take the dough out of the fridge, and start to bake.

For now, she sat on the couch with Lulu curled up in her lap, holding a picture album. Lulu giggled. "You look silly in that one!" She pointed to the picture in the album. Jenna laughed. 

"I think I needed a diaper change! You know you made the same face when you filled your diaper?"

"Ew!" Lulu made a face and squirmed. "That's gross, Mama!"

"We all poop, Lulu!"

They would spend the rest of the quiet night looking at the album. Tomorrow, Jenna would spend the day running the diner with Becky and Dawn by her side. When she faltered, they would pick her up. When she needed to cry, they would offer a shoulder. When she was close to crashing, they would give her a soft place to land. 

Jenna was going to be okay.

As her and Lulu looked through the album, she thought about a new pie recipe- one with cumin... and cinnamon! That sounded like a good idea. She would have to try it out tomorrow.

She wondered what she would call this one...

**The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Visit the Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN.org) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) for more information, resources, and support.
> 
> You are loved.


End file.
